Better Start With My Zipper

Either you have used sites such as Match.com or Yahoo Personals or you’ve read them. Weekly, WTIT: The Blog scours those on-line dating sites to respond either ladies’ profiles or often their headlines as most of us would really like to do. Please understand that we are not responding seriously or mean spiritedly. It is just the way we process the world. The spelling or grammar errors were in the original profiles. The profile statements are in bold. Let the stupidity begin!

No road is long with good company. You got that from a fortune cookie, right? Just a lucky guess.

I will be up front- I like to move slowly with the on-line dating thing, and try to build a groundwork based on friend ship if possible. I will be equally up front. If I don't get sex on the first night, I will never call again.

Let's create our future together. Nah. Let's create our past.

BTW - do you know the difference between "your" and "you're", "their" and "there", and most importantly - when to use them. Do you know the difference between being an ass or being a flaming asshole?

He takes lemons and make lemonade and I'll be the cherry in his life that tops it off. I'm loving these fruit metaphors. Wanna play with my banana?

Candle-light dinners go wonderfully with watching sunrises and sunsets and frolicking on the beach. Congratulations! You've managed to use four fucking dating profile clichés in one sentence. A new world's record!

I love family - including yours. Even my Uncle Fred? He's doing five to ten at the state prison!

You: Balanced, educated, good looking and smart with a strong personality. Honest, loyal and friendly. You had me until the "honest" part. Why are women SO hung up on the truth?

I own a bike, a kayak, a gym membership dresses, high heels and great perfume. What, no whips and chains?

I look forward to talking with you and feel free to send me a message with any questions. Great! 1. Spit out or swallow? What do you mean, "that's not what you meant"?

I don't know how to start these things. I usually suggest you start with the zipper.

My match should be someone who is kind hearted, likes people, likes to communicate with me well. Deal breaker. A man can never communicate well. No, I don't know why. It just is.

Hi! What the fuck do you mean by that?

Please do not continue if you are closed-minded, insecure, selfish, shallow or looking for a sugar momma. No problem. I'm not looking for any of those things. I'm satisfied with just hot and sweaty sex.

Thank you for dropping
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14 comments:

Starrlight said...

The sunset, beach crap. Oh man. Really?

Anonymous said...

Wanna play with my banana? LOL. too fuuny. And starting with the Zipper...what happens when you have 501 Buttons LOL. Great answers. HI ROFLMAO

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Starr-
She read "profiler builder 101." Holy shit!

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Thom-
Just staying with the fruit theme... :)

Starrlight said...

It's shit like that that keeps me out of the dating pool. I just wanted to get the kid out of high school and move to the Dirty South.

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Starr-
I've tried Match a bit. I've met nice women but have never dated any of them long...

Bond said...

I am sorry...I can not see why you continue to ridicule these poor souls who are just trying to find some happiness in their (or is it there) lives...

What is wrong with long walks on the beach and candlelight dinners and wanting to move slowly and looking for some truth in their (or is it there) lives...

These poor women have been hurt in their (or is it there) lives and are only looking to be treated with respect and dignity and to find a man who will not wash them down the drain like the spittle after you brush your (or is it you're) teeth.

See what happens when the pot runs out Bud...I get like freakin crazy and say stupid s**t like that

bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa

Starrlight said...

Dear God Vinny. That was spooky :P

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Vinny-
So this has no baring that you met your wife on match.com? Just asking... :) Funny tirade, my friend...

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Starr-
He lost his mind on his honeymoon...

Jodi said...

"friend ship"

Another poor soul who needs Hooked On Phonics.

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Jodi-
That is excellent!

Anonymous said...

So the Gal with the lemonade, does that make her a sour puss?

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Amanda-
Very clever!!