Nicole Kidman deemed it necessary to deny the rumor that she is pregnant. Also not pregnant are Kim Basinger, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, O.J. Simpson, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Heather Mills, Marie Osmond and Blog Author Ann Clemons.
Lindsay Lohan appears to have more demons then was originally reported. Besides alcohol and drug addiction, she is rumored to be a sex addict as well. Followed by the press, in a twenty-four hour period Lindsay was photographed with three different men. Said Lindsay, “I have not or ever had been a sex addict. I am discreet when having sex. I feel obligated to investigate the size and condition of the penis of every man that I meet. If they get aroused by this simple quirk, I tend to say ‘What the fuck?’ and do them. I do meet many men this way.”
Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline partied together in Los Vegas this past weekend. People Magazine reports that Kevin spent the night in Paris’ hotel room. You can’t make this shit up. Kevin considers Britney a crappy role model? While it is true that Paris and Britney are as dumb as fucking rocks, it may start a new legal strategy for Britney in her child custody battle. However when asked about it yesterday Britney’s only stellar remark was, “If Kevin marries Paris would that make her my step mother?” The children have no chance of a meaningful life what-so-ever.
According to Pamela Anderson, she and husband Rick Solomon may work out after all. “We thought we were no longer in love,” stated Pamela, “because of us sleeping with other people. But than at a orgy thrown by one of my friends, Kevin was in one of the rooms from which I had to chose. After we had sex and turned the lights on and discovered we were together, we laughed ourselves silly. Rob insists I stop saying that Tommy had the best genital package I ever had. So I agreed. I said 'I can do this for our love’s sake, Peanut Penis.'”
Bud Weiser’s father graced the front page of the sports page of the Hartford Courant today. The article focused on Bierne’s days as captain of UConn’s basketball team in the 1940’s. It also caught up with his jazz singing at a club called Jakes in Wallingford, CT. To read the Courant click here. While this story has nothing to do with this fucking feature, we knew there would be hell to pay if we left it out.
That’s it from the first day of 2008. Parts of today’s post made no sense and we recognize that. We hope you had a great time in whatever you did last night. The WTIT Blog will be here for you all year.
But join us one day at a time.