Simon is Straight, Ashley is Doable

Welcome to WTIT: The Blog's weekly edition of our warped version of Celebrity Gossip. We will bring you the important news of the famous people whom we collectively hate the most. We don't let journalistic integrity interfere with a feature. If you love this feature please email your blogroll and beyond. If you don’t, there might actually be hope for you yet. Let’s get this over with:

Simon Cowell is in the news again. He has had to address two rumors. It has been written that Simon takes Botox injections and is gay. To the first, the answer is “yes” he uses Botox. Simon denies that he is gay. While saying in the music business, it is not unusual to be gay, but that he is not. While we are sure many contestants and folks who have auditioned would love to see him injected with rat poison, we know of not a single gay man who has wished that Simon were gay. In fact, the announcement was applauded by the gay and lesbian communities when the news first hit that he was straight.

Lance Armstrong is insisting there is no more than a friendship at work with Ashley Olsen. While he has announced that Ashley is extremely doable, he is holding out for her to bring along her sister. When contacted Lance’s former girlfriend Sheryl Crow said she wished he had held out longer for her. Sheryl also said something about missing one of Lance’s bicycle pumps more than him.

Jessica Simpson stated over the weekend that she is sick of dating "boys". She said that wants a real man with a real cute butt. She went to say that "he must have a schlong that goes at least hangs to his knees." Jessica added that she might have to give up anal. The search, says Ms. Simpson begins tonight at 7 o'clock eastern.

We have always been a HUGE fan of Julia Roberts from the time her first film, Mystic Pizza which she starred in from the mid-eighties. We took a job at a Mystic radio station in the mid nineties and went to eat at Mystic Pizza. We were shocked that they had not seen her in ten years. When Pretty Woman came out, we immediately called an escort service. “What” we said, “No Julia-no deal!” We told them. After Notting Hill became so a huge hit and one of our favs, we were off to that fucking travel book store in the Notting Hill section of London. Now we are told that again we missed her by a decade. We are a huge fan. But until we read this: Julia Roberts recently was caught parking in a handicapped parking space. Forget it. We are thinking of becoming a ghost so we can become a fan of Demi Moore.

O.J. Simpson did not rob or kill anyone over the weekend. While we were as relieved as you might have been, we had to be sure. So we called up the infamous star of Naked Gun (we think he may have played football as well) to confirm that he did not kill anyone. We he responded, “Not yet punk” we terminated the interview. What a prima donna.

Judd Corizan in serious trouble. He was arrested over the weekend for tapping another man’s foot in a rest room in his native Central Park. As he was arrested and dragged out he was yelling something about all the awards he had given out. The cops told him that might be true but he was no Bobby Griffin, to Judd's total dismay. Judd then said “You can’t do this to me, because I am only an avatar!” Yea, right. Like anyone would believe THAT shit.

We hope we have helped you get through your Suck-o Monda. That here on WTIT: The Blog. NaBloPoMo goes on, and on. So, we will be back tomorrow with something truly magical. Check that. The only thay anyone might want is for us just to disappear. See you then.
Same time. Same blog.


Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Simon Cowell - see the picture of him. Right back at him.

Jessica Simpson - 7 o'clock eastern? Bwahahahah. What a ****!

Julia Roberts - Bwahahahah. You are so fickle.

O.J. Simpson - See Jessica Simpson.

Judd - We all love Judd.

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...


Linda said...

What is the world coming to when poor innocent avatars are arrested for tapping feet in the men's room? Sad ... just sad!

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

I always knew there was something weird about Corizan...

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

What exactly IS going to happen to the Rising Blogger?